my Little Locked Room

So it's almost November 18, 2003... that date yet again has come around. MY BIRTHDAY. This year, happens also to fall on the HUGE event of the release of Britney Spears' new album and Blink 182's new album. Man, I gotta tell ya, things like really make someone feel special. :-)

Anyway, off of that crap. This week so far (it being MONDAY) has been extremely stressful but interesting. I finished off the weekend with a solid performance Saturday night of "tartuffe" despite my beating heart and insane nerves.

I really don't think many people from GFA read this anymore, seeing as how all the links to my page were deleted! I think blogs are going out of style, dare I say it! The reason I say that, is because there is a lot of stuff going on at GFA and within GFA that I wanna talk about b/c it affects me, but I do not even want to risk going into it with the chance of anyone finding my page and reading. So I won't go into them unfortunately, for all my nonexistant readers.

I LOVE TECHNO. It's a new found obsession of mine. Can't you picture me just raving all night, never stopping, till the sun comes up?! Let's see, new events in Liz's life. 1) TECHNO 2) Melissa's new blue Jetta YAY 3) self-reliance 4) better grades 5) the fact that mr pucket's class has gotten a LOT better.... and lots of things.

I am moving on in my life, which is a good thing. Things happen and the world keeps spinning, the earth keeps in motion. But not in GFA -- I am left standing alone as the one person who seems to realize this.

Anyway, off the topic, I have a family friend who is really hot. His name is Doug Deluca, he attends Hopkins and is really hot. Just thought I would mention that.

TOMORROW: Smirnoff Ice. If you want an explanation, approach me in the hallway nd ask.

Au revoir (for now).

Yo! I haven't posted in a while, that's really weird. It's because Thursday night I had loads of homework, last night was Friday and that explains it all. I went to toquet to see Anchor Taxi and MAN are they good! Then I was supposed to go some party but they didnt want us there so we got kicked out. Fun, right?? Yeaaa, so whatever we went back to the diner and blah blah boring night.

Anyway tonight I have to stay home and watch my little brother oh well it's been fun so far except our DVD player is broken wich majorly sucks. My siuster is out and my parnets are out and I have to be home watching Will... blah blah another boring night. WHATEVER! life is good, live it up-- thats my motto. Yesterday I wacthed Cool Runnings after school and it was major good times. The BEST part is after they get into a fight in the bar and then theyre back at the hotel getting yelled at and John Candy goes, "Don't worry, I called the bar and told them you guys are mentally unstable so that they wouldn't press charges" and Sanka goes, "The fat man does it again!!!" It was really funny... OH and then after toquet I came home and I got to wtach FROM JUSTIN TO KELLY! oh yes my friend... better believe it. Anyway I'm really bored I'm gonna go and be bored in front of the TV....

meeii 05: ohh omg we talked about you the other day... we were like "MEMBER WHEN LIZ SAID THAT WHOLE CLUELESS BIT TO MRS BARRY?!!"
meeii 05: and today, someone tried to pour salt on their fries but the top came of and all the salt spilled onto the plate.. and i started cracking up histarically.. cuz it reminded me of when you loosened the ketchup cap and julia squeezed hte hell out of it and hte whole thing spilled on her plate/lap
LisethCR: hahahahhahaa i remember that too lol
meeii 05: and everyone was like "dana wtf ar eyou talking about"
meeii 05: i was like "LIZ GODDAMN RUTLEDGE!"
meeii 05: and they were like "OHHHH.. .member that time when she said that stuff from clueless?" and were like "YESSSS:

Stranger than your sympathy
And this is my apology
I killed myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out

And I wished for things that I don't need
And what I chased won't set me free
And I get scared but I'm not crawlin' on my knees

Everything's all wrong, yeah
Everything's all wrong, yeah
Where the hell did I think I was?

And stranger than your sympathy
Take these things, so I don't feel
I'm killing myself from the inside out
And now my head's been filled with doubt

We're taught to lead the life you choose
You know your love's run out on you
And you can't see when all your dreams aren't coming true

It's easy to forget, yeah
When you choke on the regrets, yeah
Who the hell did I think I was?

And stranger than your sympathy
And all these thoughts you stole from me
And I'm not sure where I belong
And no where's home and no more wrong

And I was in love with things I tried to make you believe I was
And I wouldn't be the one to kneel before the dreams I wanted
And all the dark and all the lies were all the empty things disguised as me

Stranger than your sympathy
Stranger than your sympathy

-Goo Goo Dolls

Yo! I am addicted to blogging, its my new obsession. I cant wait for the weekend! The week is so stressful. Anyway..... yea i Wish I had comments on this thing. If anyone knows how to do that you can email me at sweetemotion1118@yahoo.com and thatd be SWELL!! Guess what, tomrrow is October 1! Yeah man! One day closer to the end of the year. I also really want it to be Christmas! You know that feeling like when it's winter and Christmas you want it to be summer vacation and the Fourth of July but then once it is summer you want it to be Christmas again? I realy want it to be Christmas right now. It's really weird to think about how much has changed with me from last Christmas to right now. I'm a totally different person. Anyway it was really funny, the other day Phil Osgood made a really good metaphor of GFA to the movie Heavyweigths. He said that Mrs. Hartwell was like Tony Perkis and taking over the school/camp in a bad way, and that Mrs. Rabie was like the nurse in Heavyweights that was really nice and helped everybody from the mean leader. Yeah, it really works out and it's pretty funny tooo. Okay it's 10:03 and I am going to go now, good-bye. See you all in school tomorrow.... whoever reads this thing. Probably no one. Thats really funny, because I always refer to "you guys". That doesnt really work if there are no "you guys". For some reason, that reminds me of geometry and planes and stuff like that, but I dont know why. WOW okay I'm really tired I gotta go.

Wellll looks like I'm postponing homework yet again! This sucks because I just can't bring myself to do it. Man, I am one lazy bum. I'm not gonna make high honors or high roll and then I will be depressed so I will drop out of clubs and activities and then I'll be even more depressed and my grades will drop more and I will become a person who comes home everyday and sits and watches TV and eats all the time. Man that is one hell of a nightmare!! Actually I really hope that won't happen. But its all a vicious cycle and AHH its junior year "the decisions I make now affect my life later"!!!!! My parents drill this into my head. And I know it's true. But I'd rather blog, so I mean c'mon, I can always get a scholarhsip in blogging....maybe.... okay that was stupid.

IM SUCH A TOOL! I have a history test tomorrow not to mention i have to read to line 2750 in Beowulf, do math homework and do chem homework and this is the progression of my night: I finished play "rehearsal" at 5:15. I then load my stuff into my car and am all prepared to leave when my car decided to spaz on me again, and not let me turn it on!!! It does this sometimes, and I can't turn the ignition and I have to use like all my body strength and many different battle tactics against it, but I wont go into that right now. So it take me 15 minutes to get the car started. I then begin to drive home but decided to take a little Post Road stroll. I ended shopping at Anthropologie for 45 minutes until I realized, Shit. What am I doing! So I drive home and I made really good time, I got home at 6:30, so I thought damn woman! Chillax for a few until I really get scrunched for time and I realize I'm fucked for all my homework. So thats what I do -- I watch TV and eat some good, hearty, healthy food (yeah right) until 7:15, and then I realize I'm fucked over like your mom on Tuesday night. And so here I am, pounding away at the keyboard, becoming more and more fucked as time ticks by. It's very poetic, actually. And NOW my mom is going to come home from her field hockey game and I will talk to her for a bit, and then my dad will come home with my uncle who is visiting today and then I will be stuck visiting with them for dinner and the remainder of the evening. Then at 10-11 PM my mother will ask me how my homework is coming. I will say, Mother you never fail to ask that question. And she will say, That does not matter have you done it? And I have either of two options: Lie and say it's almost finsihed, or give a quick brief answer like "i dunno" and scurry my patootie upstairs before another word is said. I prefer the latter, because it doesnt involve lying and it's less time-consuming. My dog Daisy is growling at me from the other side of the room, I wonder what she wants... it's probably not her and I when I look over nothing will be there. And then I will have a parapoteia and realize it is a sign from God that my life is meant to be glorious and meaningful in the world if I only would do my homework. OH yes, believe it, son.

Go here. It's good stuff!!!

I would also like to remind all of you to rent the movie "Slackers", because it is a fine piece of American film.

A New Day

Why is it that I'm so unhappy in school but so happy everywhere else?? It's like being in that building affects me as a person. I feel like I am so depressed in there, and everything goes wrong, and I start blaming myself for everything again. Aright well I should do some homework, just thought I'd share a depressed contemplation, laters guys

Nighttime

Yo! It's about time for me to go to bed, its 10:46 and I think I should try to sleep. I hate when this time comes, because then I have to get up, clean up my room, wash my face and brush my teeth, and get everything ready. Especially a night like tonight when I have to get everything together moreso because it's Sunday and the week begins tomorrow. I think I'm just lazy.

It seems to everyone that has a blog, theyre commenting on how much Toquet Hall on Sat. night sucked. I think I will too-- but it really wasnt that bad. It was more like, Huh... now I realize why I dont come to Toquet Hall more often. Nothing ever fun happens there, minus that one time I got REALLY stoned and wandered off looking for my cat. But let's not go there right now. The bands were okay, brought back some crazy memories, I can't believe I actually met Blake again. That was definitely weird... you know what, the entire night was weird. Allie, Melissa, Matt and I took off and chilled at Planet Pizza (because its such a cool hangout you know) until Ally's band went on. Meanwhile, my sister is wandering around Westport half drunk.

But Friday was fun -- for matt's birthday we went to John Delbello's house and everyone was TRASHEDDD with a triple D. So I was the only designated driver and was special enough to drive everyone back to their houses in miscellaneous parts of Fairfield County, in the process missing curfew by about half an hour.

IM SO GLAD that other people are finally starting to get their license. I'm really just sick of my social life right now for some reason, and I dont know why. Maybe its because I'm continually deprived of any males in my life. But I'm not worrying about that right now, because I have John Smith. (I watched Pocahontas last night)

I really need to start SERIOUSLY cracking down on schoolwork. I feel like I've been slacking all year. I hate how the school sends these letters home that are like, "You MUST GET GOOD GRADES or you will NOT get into college!" Its kind of scary. On that note, I probably should go. I need to work and I also need to sleep. Later, y'all.

PS. The fall play this year is gonna suck.

I Love My Mother

Hi! Whats up! I just would like to inform everybody that my mom is so cool, I LOVE HER!!! it sounds like a dorky thing to say but i LOVE MY MOTHER!!! so much!!!!

Working Myself into a Tizzy

SPARKNOTES!! oh dear lord sparknotes for Beowulf. Yea, I have a lot of homework I should be doing right now but no. I am putting it off.

Today I played a mighty fun game of chess for the first time... I'd completely forgotten how to play. BUT a happy part of my day: an 83 on my first chem test!! woohoo!!

Hmmm, seems all I ever want to do or say on this thing is something depressing!! Lets cheer things up shall we!! Melissa's parents are going away for the weekend. Jill's parents are going away for the weekend. Allie's parents are going away for two weeks in October. Melissa's parents are going to Bermuda in February for two weeks. On another happy note, French class is getting better. Which is a very happy note for me because i love French, and it hasnt lived up this year at all.

OH! and I had my audition today. Much fun, I got to trade lines with Trevor. Also today, Matt Stern made a fuss about signing the honor code in advisory. Then, we were talking about places that have good food, and Heather mentioned someplace and Matt, in contradiction of Heather's statement, declares: "Oh you've obviously never been to BJ's!!!!" And with my sick mind I of course think of the obscene second level of this statement. I looked at Allie and we cracked up,of course the only two in the room who had thought of such a stupid interpretation.

MY LIFE IS BORING!!!! I need something to change or something exciting to happen. I had a deep conversation with Christine today about this. It seems as if I have a lot of deep conversations. Its fun... okay I wanna try something. I wanna see if I can explain our deep conversaiton in french.

Nous avons parle de comme je veux accroitre mes horizons social, et je veux essayer les choses nouveux dans ma vie.

Anyways thats was pretty unsuccessful but my parets just got home so I shouldprobably go back to "studying". catch y'all later