my Little Locked Room

Yo! I am addicted to blogging, its my new obsession. I cant wait for the weekend! The week is so stressful. Anyway..... yea i Wish I had comments on this thing. If anyone knows how to do that you can email me at sweetemotion1118@yahoo.com and thatd be SWELL!! Guess what, tomrrow is October 1! Yeah man! One day closer to the end of the year. I also really want it to be Christmas! You know that feeling like when it's winter and Christmas you want it to be summer vacation and the Fourth of July but then once it is summer you want it to be Christmas again? I realy want it to be Christmas right now. It's really weird to think about how much has changed with me from last Christmas to right now. I'm a totally different person. Anyway it was really funny, the other day Phil Osgood made a really good metaphor of GFA to the movie Heavyweigths. He said that Mrs. Hartwell was like Tony Perkis and taking over the school/camp in a bad way, and that Mrs. Rabie was like the nurse in Heavyweights that was really nice and helped everybody from the mean leader. Yeah, it really works out and it's pretty funny tooo. Okay it's 10:03 and I am going to go now, good-bye. See you all in school tomorrow.... whoever reads this thing. Probably no one. Thats really funny, because I always refer to "you guys". That doesnt really work if there are no "you guys". For some reason, that reminds me of geometry and planes and stuff like that, but I dont know why. WOW okay I'm really tired I gotta go.

Wellll looks like I'm postponing homework yet again! This sucks because I just can't bring myself to do it. Man, I am one lazy bum. I'm not gonna make high honors or high roll and then I will be depressed so I will drop out of clubs and activities and then I'll be even more depressed and my grades will drop more and I will become a person who comes home everyday and sits and watches TV and eats all the time. Man that is one hell of a nightmare!! Actually I really hope that won't happen. But its all a vicious cycle and AHH its junior year "the decisions I make now affect my life later"!!!!! My parents drill this into my head. And I know it's true. But I'd rather blog, so I mean c'mon, I can always get a scholarhsip in blogging....maybe.... okay that was stupid.

IM SUCH A TOOL! I have a history test tomorrow not to mention i have to read to line 2750 in Beowulf, do math homework and do chem homework and this is the progression of my night: I finished play "rehearsal" at 5:15. I then load my stuff into my car and am all prepared to leave when my car decided to spaz on me again, and not let me turn it on!!! It does this sometimes, and I can't turn the ignition and I have to use like all my body strength and many different battle tactics against it, but I wont go into that right now. So it take me 15 minutes to get the car started. I then begin to drive home but decided to take a little Post Road stroll. I ended shopping at Anthropologie for 45 minutes until I realized, Shit. What am I doing! So I drive home and I made really good time, I got home at 6:30, so I thought damn woman! Chillax for a few until I really get scrunched for time and I realize I'm fucked for all my homework. So thats what I do -- I watch TV and eat some good, hearty, healthy food (yeah right) until 7:15, and then I realize I'm fucked over like your mom on Tuesday night. And so here I am, pounding away at the keyboard, becoming more and more fucked as time ticks by. It's very poetic, actually. And NOW my mom is going to come home from her field hockey game and I will talk to her for a bit, and then my dad will come home with my uncle who is visiting today and then I will be stuck visiting with them for dinner and the remainder of the evening. Then at 10-11 PM my mother will ask me how my homework is coming. I will say, Mother you never fail to ask that question. And she will say, That does not matter have you done it? And I have either of two options: Lie and say it's almost finsihed, or give a quick brief answer like "i dunno" and scurry my patootie upstairs before another word is said. I prefer the latter, because it doesnt involve lying and it's less time-consuming. My dog Daisy is growling at me from the other side of the room, I wonder what she wants... it's probably not her and I when I look over nothing will be there. And then I will have a parapoteia and realize it is a sign from God that my life is meant to be glorious and meaningful in the world if I only would do my homework. OH yes, believe it, son.

Go here. It's good stuff!!!

I would also like to remind all of you to rent the movie "Slackers", because it is a fine piece of American film.

A New Day

Why is it that I'm so unhappy in school but so happy everywhere else?? It's like being in that building affects me as a person. I feel like I am so depressed in there, and everything goes wrong, and I start blaming myself for everything again. Aright well I should do some homework, just thought I'd share a depressed contemplation, laters guys

Nighttime

Yo! It's about time for me to go to bed, its 10:46 and I think I should try to sleep. I hate when this time comes, because then I have to get up, clean up my room, wash my face and brush my teeth, and get everything ready. Especially a night like tonight when I have to get everything together moreso because it's Sunday and the week begins tomorrow. I think I'm just lazy.

It seems to everyone that has a blog, theyre commenting on how much Toquet Hall on Sat. night sucked. I think I will too-- but it really wasnt that bad. It was more like, Huh... now I realize why I dont come to Toquet Hall more often. Nothing ever fun happens there, minus that one time I got REALLY stoned and wandered off looking for my cat. But let's not go there right now. The bands were okay, brought back some crazy memories, I can't believe I actually met Blake again. That was definitely weird... you know what, the entire night was weird. Allie, Melissa, Matt and I took off and chilled at Planet Pizza (because its such a cool hangout you know) until Ally's band went on. Meanwhile, my sister is wandering around Westport half drunk.

But Friday was fun -- for matt's birthday we went to John Delbello's house and everyone was TRASHEDDD with a triple D. So I was the only designated driver and was special enough to drive everyone back to their houses in miscellaneous parts of Fairfield County, in the process missing curfew by about half an hour.

IM SO GLAD that other people are finally starting to get their license. I'm really just sick of my social life right now for some reason, and I dont know why. Maybe its because I'm continually deprived of any males in my life. But I'm not worrying about that right now, because I have John Smith. (I watched Pocahontas last night)

I really need to start SERIOUSLY cracking down on schoolwork. I feel like I've been slacking all year. I hate how the school sends these letters home that are like, "You MUST GET GOOD GRADES or you will NOT get into college!" Its kind of scary. On that note, I probably should go. I need to work and I also need to sleep. Later, y'all.

PS. The fall play this year is gonna suck.

I Love My Mother

Hi! Whats up! I just would like to inform everybody that my mom is so cool, I LOVE HER!!! it sounds like a dorky thing to say but i LOVE MY MOTHER!!! so much!!!!

Working Myself into a Tizzy

SPARKNOTES!! oh dear lord sparknotes for Beowulf. Yea, I have a lot of homework I should be doing right now but no. I am putting it off.

Today I played a mighty fun game of chess for the first time... I'd completely forgotten how to play. BUT a happy part of my day: an 83 on my first chem test!! woohoo!!

Hmmm, seems all I ever want to do or say on this thing is something depressing!! Lets cheer things up shall we!! Melissa's parents are going away for the weekend. Jill's parents are going away for the weekend. Allie's parents are going away for two weeks in October. Melissa's parents are going to Bermuda in February for two weeks. On another happy note, French class is getting better. Which is a very happy note for me because i love French, and it hasnt lived up this year at all.

OH! and I had my audition today. Much fun, I got to trade lines with Trevor. Also today, Matt Stern made a fuss about signing the honor code in advisory. Then, we were talking about places that have good food, and Heather mentioned someplace and Matt, in contradiction of Heather's statement, declares: "Oh you've obviously never been to BJ's!!!!" And with my sick mind I of course think of the obscene second level of this statement. I looked at Allie and we cracked up,of course the only two in the room who had thought of such a stupid interpretation.

MY LIFE IS BORING!!!! I need something to change or something exciting to happen. I had a deep conversation with Christine today about this. It seems as if I have a lot of deep conversations. Its fun... okay I wanna try something. I wanna see if I can explain our deep conversaiton in french.

Nous avons parle de comme je veux accroitre mes horizons social, et je veux essayer les choses nouveux dans ma vie.

Anyways thats was pretty unsuccessful but my parets just got home so I shouldprobably go back to "studying". catch y'all later

A Disintegrating Teenage Mind?

I hate that I cant be myself. I hate that I always have to think about everything I do and I don't know how to not analyze everything that happens. I care too much what other people think. I tried to be myself for a while but it's hard, and I dont know why its so difficult for me. Thats what kills me... its somehting in life i DONT know the answer to, something about myself that i cant figure out. I always analyze other people's lives, situations, personalities and try to intuit everything.... and that fact that I cant turn that around onto myself is torture. I hate teenagers, and I hate teenagerdom. I feel like I know so much more to life than everybody else, but truth be told, I dont know jack shit. Nobody knows jack shit about life, and what bothers me about teenagers is that their "life" is completely shallow. Its like nobody else realizes that theres an entire world out there in which NOBODY will remember what clothes you wore one day, what you said to a guy you like, when you could get fucked up blah blah blah. And im trying to steer myself away from that but its hard when your so influenced by everybody around you. I want for once to make a real connection with somebody that is not based on superficiality, like all the things I just stated. Maybe I am analyzing things too much. Allie gave me some questions today that i was just supposed to answer off the top of my head and i couldnt do it. I couldnt NOT analyze it.

See, and then I contradict myself. Because I love life, and I love MY life. I love people for the beautiful things they can do sometimes. My analysis of life sounds so negative and pessimistic, but if you look to the core of what I'm saying it leads you to right where I find my own happiness: in the knowledge that everything that goes on in my high school life will not matter at all in your future. And at the same time, I love myself for knowing that.

My sister is yelling at me to get off her computer.... gots to go.

Oh the teenage woes....

Bbye.

Doug Funnie

Liz has a blind date this weekend with my friend Doug, i am excited for the union of bliss

Cetus Luhpedus!

PPPS. the time on my blog is wrong, so dont really think that my dad is yelling at me to go to bed at seven o clock. No No it is much more past my bedtime.

PPPPS. Doesn't the movie Hook rule????

PPPPPS. I vow to make my blog more meaningful in the future. This is so dumb i cant believe i actually have a 5x ps going. anyways goodnight

Dr. Pepper Makes the World Taste Better

NO TIME NO TIME must go to bed must get sleep so to not fall asleep in class!!! but mr fuckit has assigned about 75 pages of reading on a chem test night. today was an especially depressing day, no need to go into it. Must remember to make an announcement that yesterdays was bs.... ahh scary i dont want to. Tomorrow I find out if i made editor for penumbra....

Today I went over my lines with liz for the play, and i must say, i make a darn good madame pernelle. I would elaborate, but unfortuately my dad is on his nightly prowl to yell at me to get to sleep and i hear footsteps now.

i hate junior year. there are too many things to do.

Goodnight, y'all...

PS. my computer has no internet. i am so disconnected.

PPS. SUNSHINE AND RAINBOWS!

Surgeon General's Warning

This year im going to quit smoking. i am going to be craving free byyyyyyyy about my birthday, November 18. I will be 17. I also will go to more concerts, because I am concert deprived as of now, which sucks.

After this let's all dress in black and go to a coffee shop and discuss life.

Life is weird.

Blog Me

I love how when you republish your blog, it says "This may take a few minutes, if you have a large blog." it sounds so dirty.

Pointless!

Yo guys!!What up in the hizzy, you know what, I like Oscar de la Hoya, he is really hot. So is, hmm, that guy in the movie Cheaters!!!! Wow I want him in my bed like no other!!! Right now my sister is playing the bad song that has Santana and the guy from the Calling in it, I never liked either of them anyway. Speaking of bands, ATB power because they rock. Anyway, onto the exciting stuff, like the fact that my homework is done and i have time to be lazy.

I have a dilemna with mr puckett... to start off with, I cant stand him!!! Ok, hes gotten better, but I really dont match well with his teaching style. Hes really lax, and weve had many class discussions about this, but seriously this is junior year high school, not college, and we need to get good grades. I dont appreciate the fact that the one time GFA decides to spring someone on the students that actually cares about absorbing the material as opposed to just forcing them to memorize something, HAS to be junior year for me. Plus it seems like he doesnt really even care about aborption because in the past tests he barely taught us anything in class and then tested us on the biggest bullshit. my grade? he told me it was in the 60s somewhere and i was hoping it was 69 because at least then it would be kinky but no. it is 62. FUCK. WHY?! plus i just dont like him. supposedly he took his shirt off for the other class and is really built but i havent seen that as of yet so he has no excuses in my book yet. So i was thinking about talking to mr herzberg about it.

AND what the fuck was up with mrs hartwell announcing that no cards should be played in school today??? okay maybe where she comes from it is disrespectful but at gfa we like to corrupt our kids.it is part of the culture and she cant just take it away like that, you know what, i dont like her, not one little bit.

Anyway im gonna go watch some tv ill catch y'all on the flip side.

Good one!

Wow first post! how exciting for all that are reading this right now...
I think this will be a haven for all my thoughts and dreams, or maybe where I can bash people. i must be careful not too many pepole find this place.... for i might be saying things about them and you know what that can lead to. SMACKDOWN!!! in the gfa house.

Anyways, most of you who are reading this right now probably do in fact attend greens farms academy. Lets see, junior year... its so intense. Last year someone name Elizabeth Hawkins told me to just kill myself before reaching a GFA junior year and i relaly do think i should have taken her advice. Everything seems to be changing this year so much, but in a way i love the change. Change seems to be what keeps my intensity in life, what keeps me waiting for what will happen next and how i will deal with it. I think it comes from moving around a lot in my life and having a lot of change. Anyways, off the deep shit. Onto the cool shit.

Friday night i took melissa and allie to the prep game and they got toally wasted. it was fun, and in the midst of the fun i get a phone call saying that my brother has split his head open, and since i have both mercedes keys in my purse but i took the cherokee, my mom has no way to take him to the ER (hahaha ER). Yes. Then i went to see Dickie ROberts with some ranom people, I dont even know why thye were there, such as Henry Ciocca and Zak starr and matt garofalo. Its weird because I hardly ever talk to them in my life but it was also kind of cool.

OK, im in the mood to be deep again. Im not gonna mention names, but i am so fed up with some people thta i have been hanging out with a lot.... we have differences in how we live our lives and a specific person is not only judgmental about the way i live mine but also exerts this annoying passive aggressive pressure on me to live it diferently. I had a revelation yesterday morning, I am so fed up with hurting myself or changing myself or stopping hanging out with people i like just because she doesnt like them in order to fit into her little idea of how life should be lived, and every time we do something toether i always end doing just that. So my revelation is that i am sick of doing that... why hurt/change myself just to fit in with her? it doesnt make sense. She also takes advantage of me because i drive. Thats not cool. SHES USING ME DaMMIT. this may not be a revelation to many people but it is to me so yea!!! POWER!!!

umm hmmm my brother is watching beavis and butthead do america so leave you all with the classic quote.
"why does everyone wanna see my unit!!!!!!"

Oh yes.